September Reflections
the closeout to a chapter of over 25 years
September was a month filled with grief as I got nearer and nearer to saying goodbye to my childhood home. My mother moved to Florida with her new husband and new tenants would take over a space I spent most of my life in. This was also a time of impending shame as a person paying tax dollars for an ongoing genocide, hitting the 2 year anniversary of its most recent escalation. As I wrap up this post there is a supposed ceasefire, followed only by more violence. The themes of home and familial fractures ring loud.
This month I also came face to face with the birthdays of deceased loved ones, medical emergencies, financial stress, artistic overwhelm, the denial of summer closing out…
I enter October with the eagerness to slow down, cool down, and sit in witnessing of all the grief inside and outside of me.
Currently:
Loving:
Bandana’s as tops in this climate change fall
Getting dressed generally - shoutout to these Gap pants my partner thrifted that I’ve taken over.
The cooling weather makes me feel more confident to wear clothes knowing I won’t have to sweat through every item. I am trying to get dressed as an acknowledgement to a body that I have been negatively regarding these last few months.
Snack of the month has been this banana toasty:
This icey stop after a hard night - ew at all the copaganda inside this place but it does hold alot of sentiment as a lil girl from Queens. Shoutout to this guy who tried to duck for our photo.
me and bestie majo. Reading:
Watching:
I’ve still been watching Charmed and gosh… *spoiler* once Prue dies it goes downhill. All the characters are insufferable and god damn for Leo to be an Angel he’s USELESSSSS. I really enjoyed the effects from season 1-3. I just really can’t believe they did Prue like that… JUSTICE FOR SHANNON! I gotta give her podcast a listen.
Started rewatching Monk cause I felt okay being sad lol. Marian and I spend time yelling at the TV over him being so cheap though like omg… shit boss frfr.
Best Wishes to All was really good in the creepy, anticipatory anxiety type of storytelling! Got to rewatch Kpop Demon Hunters with a friend during a sleepover and it was my 2nd watch… I loved seeing someone watch it for their own first time.
Making:
This lil phone collage:
Got a new-to-me phone and was able to play around with stuff I scanned since my phone doesn’t freeze or die constantly anymore Worked this month on a commission that a company reached out to me for so I can’t show stuff til we finalize what they’re moving forward with but it was funnnn.
This post:
Thinking About:
Saying Goodbye to my home of 26+ years.
Images of the hallway and staircase to my childhood apartment. The door shown is the apartment that used to be Mommy Dee's. The reality of this transition has been… a lot. The acceptance of a fractured family, gaps built bigger by miscommunication, a lack of adaptability and immense self centered stubbornness. So many disappointing moments along the way to this end. I am sitting on what to do next while I let the hurt speak and show up.
Excited for the film photos from this goodbye to be developed.
This image of Fire Spell by Johan Flock from Fariha’s Post:
Im quite tired of the spiritual bypassing and centering of positivity and divinity and connection to land and earth without even being able to speak to people through rupture or conflict. If spirituality is making your relationship to yourself better but you’re struggling with relationship to others then I believe there is a praxis disconnect that I need people to !!! acknowledge !!! because we are relational creatures. Are you using spirituality to tend to your own wounds but not seeing how you also cause wounds?
This interview with Silvia Frederici - who I’ll be joining in watching speak with Herban Cura this month.
This came up in a conference I attended this summer, the concept of Witches as medicine makers and wisdom holders who have been systemically disenfranchised, attacked, erased. How much ‘magic’ was really attunement to the land and its inhabitants? How the consequence of this holistic centered care had historically been death…
This connects to the spirituality post above ^ so many folks wanna claim magic/witchcraft/relationships to nature but don’t partake in struggle. A divine right to explore the self but not also help liberate beyond oneself? Hmmm doesn’t add up to me.
This meme:
Listening to:
Mommy Dee’s birthday was this month so I replayed this a few times so I’ll let this one song take the stage for this post.
Until next time,
In Love, Solidarity and Liberation.