May Reflections
where did those 31 days go???
Waste a day at Jury Duty, succumbed to the creeping feeling of the cloak of summer grief and
Currently:
Loving:
Had my first beach day of the year! I didn’t get in the water because it was quite chilly but the sun on my skin and the sound of the waves really were what I needed.
Time with my niece Celeste
What a privilege it is to see a little nugget grow!! Shes a year and a half and is so smart and so cute and seeing my HS bestie, MS bestie and partner all in the same space with this little beauty felt so heartwarming.
As a person estranged from my bio half-siblings, I often feel guilt over the lack of connection with their kids. I also have to accept the relationship(s) that we have, or lack thereof really.
Embracing the scent I want to embody. During a manic episode I went on a independent perfume making shopping spree… big yikes but also this one scent has been a go to:
Kitty in a window season:
I always go pss pss pss to this cat I pass by on the way out of my lobby:
Playing the game of what silly License plate do I see today:
Belated birthday Tooth Caps:
I said I wanted Grillz last year so my partner paid for me to get some tooth caps which are really what I wanted. I fear a full grill would just feel weird to me, like a retainer or mouth guard. I got 4 individual tooth caps to mix and match as I please. Caps by Underground Grillz which was soooo old New York. I got the mold done while some guy was getting a wild neck tattoo and drinking a bottle of henny at the same time. Boo at the nonblack people there…. this one white lady? phew…
My nail set for the month also weirdly got SO many compliments:
Reading:
I’ve been in a reading funk and lacking the attention span to sit and read a book. I also failed to save my favorite substack posts of the month so instead I’ll use this spot to honor the retreat my Org had this month. We spent a weekend in Bed-Stuy thinking out loud, visioning and analyzing. Being a member of an org that has transformed so much in 3 years has been alot but also a testament to my commitment to find the people I want to struggle alongside:
My contributions to the altar were the dominos, writing out 2026, the Emory Douglas book and the offering of the elements (incense as fire and the bowl of water).
Watching:
I watched more than this list - some good, bad and reallyyyy bad.
Honorable Mentions:
Galaxy Quest: I LOVED this in my youth and watching in on the couch with my partner made me feel like I was watching cable television on a sunday all over again. The nostalgia was sweet
Lurker: This was such an engaging watch for me. I was bummed to not catch it during festival season but it was soooo good, I can imagine even better on the big screen.
I Love Boosters: I don’t mean honorable mention in a good way lol. Like yay narratives of dialectical materialism and the necessity of class solidarity especially through the lens of worker exploitation. And also… I just did not vibe with the absurdity in this.
Obsession: Watched TWICE ! Had to show my partner the day after I saw it cause I knew they wouldn’t watch it without me and it was such a thrill both times. I didn’t want to fall into the hype but I love a scream queen and hate nice guys who are actually demonic evil little minions of patriarchy. I’m also a body horror girlie so this was fun. But please… stop with the head wound content - it’s everywhere after Hereditary , which the director proudly refers to as inspo in addition to Pearl but jeez, bring other gruesome things into play. Its like they all have that 1 scene on their vision board and all visual effects artists are competing for best brain spill makeup…
Making:
I made some stuff for Black Zine Fair this year - for my org and then also had my comrade table some stuff I’ve made on my own time. Some of the background of some of the Zines I made for DegrowNYC below:
Another monthly collage class at The People’s Forum!
My bestie lover roommate partner said they were craving homemade Tres Golpes so after a hard day I surprised them with some:
Thinking About:
Another beautiful year of The Black Zine Fair!
I honestly wouldn’t mind this being a twice a year event but understand the intensity of coordinating an event of this size. Every year there are more and more folks, which makes me smile as a person who has been attending since year 1. My <3 to all the self publishing artists out there.
Related to art, another event at PowerHouse was the global majority art exhibit which I went to the weekend prior to BZF. It was interesting to see the formal gallery way of showcasing art and transparently some of those prices were wildddd to me. Makes me wonder what it would take for me to price something at 1K +
Honorable mentions: David Krut Projects, Lisu Vega, and RegularNormal NYC,
Pepcid/Zyrtec Combo
So many folks have revisited this combo thats used for PMDD by some folks. I’ve been having alot of PMDD related talks with clients who bleed and seeing the resurgence of that info online reminds me how long I’ve been living with madness (which leads to me being more open to lived experience suggestions) cause I remember ghosted1996 posting this back in 2022. But glad the information if being found and blessing some folks with alleviation.
Please talk to folks about PMDD - it’s seriously worth tending to and doesn’t have to just be accepted as the norm for your monthly cycle! And for those that don’t resonate, reading up on it to support those in your life who is impacts.
The uncertainty of my work
I won’t lie yall - Im feeling the economy hard at work. Im finding mental health services are taking the cut like lash and nail techs, seen as a self care service that has to be removed from the budget. Even then, I know some clients are choosing that nail appointment instead. I have alot of grief around working in an industry I saw as untouchable being impacted by predatory insurance companies, a crumbling economy and people’s material needs for survival and confidence. It also feels like it pushes me away from the folks I entered this work for - folks who I transparently can’t see as much as I want to because I too need the funds to live.
This has also brought up the grief of money and access. What does it mean that I feel that push of being priced out of the city I was born and raised in? What does it matter my refusal to leave if I can’t live + have a place to live at the same time? It hasn’t exactly gotten to that point but it’s sickening to see how little a dollar goes anymore. It makes me ache for the stability and support that I see so many others experience. I wasn’t raised with financial literacy or regard so this also feels like an internalized failure in ways - that I haven’t ‘broken’ this cycle and moved beyond it. Im feeling stuck in a way I didn’t imagine post Masters degree and licensure.
Been thinking alot about climate change and NYC infrastructure … the first summer rain had some parts of Brooklyn so flooded and all I could think of is, this isn’t even the worse of it. Seeing campaigns like NoBKJails its so important for New Yorkers to see how money can be spent to close jails to build new ones, but not maintain city infrastructure for the safety and wellness of its residents.
This is one way the insidious greed of capitalism shows up as an extension of Imperialism. It makes sense to drop bombs and build jails but people still are losing homes to summer rain, unable to find affordable housing or are being charged 3 bucks a ride to run late while sweating their balls off…..
Listening to:
My delayed Valentines Gift were tickets to see Oklou at Terminal 5 and !!! ahhhh I was so happy we went. Pop forever <3 And the opener, Vickie Cherie, was so good too, utilizing cool screen/projection pieces for their on stage performance. It felt like an oxygen mask was put on me.
Until next time,
In Love, Solidarity and Liberation.